Beware of Your Ugly Little Troll

The ego is that ugly little troll that lives underneath the bridge, between your mind and your heart.  (Gael Greene)  The ego is subtle, it's not as vivid as the humorous prior description.  The subtle effort of the ego cannot be dispelled by the use of more effort.  When we use effort to try to eliminate the ego we just end up frustrated.  Deepak Chopra says if you want to reach a state of internal bliss, then go beyond your ego and internal dialogue.  Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge.   Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time.  

Controlling situations, seeking approval, and judging others are not conditions we are inherently given as a birth right.  They are responses to pain and turbulence in our life.  So it is natural for the mind to say, Wait a minute!  that's how I protect myself, and it's true. Those three devices probably are the way you have learned to protect yourself from feeling pain "caused by others" (in quotes because the pain is actually your reaction to the other person and has nothing else to do with the other person).  However, when you are able to let go of those three things, let go of the worldly ego, you will not be affected by the way others want to look at, treat, or interact with you.  By acting from a place of the true ego, our Divinity, we are able to be true actors rather than existing in the fog of the reactors.  Understand that when someone is treating you poorly they are most likely reacting to something that has nothing to do with you, and that is their karma.  Your karma is how you choose to react to their behavior.  Your karma is not to fix or change that other person, but to remain at a place of balance, equanimity.  

It is important to remember in life, and in yoga, that we must always practice ahimsa, non-harming/non-violence towards the self and others.  Practicing ahimsa is what keeps us from being a doormat, but also what keeps us from tearing ourselves apart over every little imperfection.  You will have days that you are moody and judgmental, days that you eat too much refined sugar and have entirely too little activity, but that's okay.  What's not okay is keeping people in your life forever for the sake of "controlling the situation" or keeping up appearances when you know that it is not well with your soul.  Now if you are in a toxic relationship with someone you might be thinking to yourself that the other person, the one who has a drinking problem or a problem with screaming foul things at you all the time, that person is the one who has the selfish, narcissistic problems.  An examination of the ego will tell you other wise.  

Remaining attached to toxic people, in hopes that we will change the other person's behavior is selfish and narcissistic.  You are only in charge of the way you act and only have responsibility over your own happiness. By remaining in situations that tear down the fabric of who we are as individuals we allow another person to consume all of our energy, to the point that we no longer have a life other than manipulating and controlling a situation that was never ours to control in the first place.  We become ugly little ego trolls.  So detach, find a place to exist where you and your beliefs do not have to be conflicted with the ways  of another, and allow that person to have the freedom to be their true self as well.  (Your partner has just as much of a right to be wrong as you have a right to be "right") 

Once again, the more we let go of what we think is ideal the better off we are able to become.  Being in touch with your true soul and spirit is a higher level of consciousness that allows one to be in every situation, experiencing the beauty and lesson, without being attached to the outcome, without dwelling on what might have been.  Imagine you are driving down a highway.  If 0 is doormat (not practicing ahimsa, letting others treat us poorly) and 100 is bull in China closet (being mindlessly controlled by the worldly Ego, consequently treating others poorly) you want to be at 50.  At 50 we are not playing "god", sacrificing our own happiness to control the lives of others, and we are also not so caught up in ourself and our physical body that we forget we have a soul to share with the people we love.  At 50 we are able to see the world as it is, not as we want it to be, and then be grateful for it.  At 50 you are balanced.  

So when you feel yourself controlling, seeking approval, or judging others, it might be time to step off of the gas a little.  And when you know your boundaries have been crossed and your soul does not sit right with your situation, maybe it's time to speed up and move along.  Either way seek balance, not perfection, and stay flexible :).  

~Namaste