I grew up believing what the trash magazines told me about my
body, that it would fit into a category: pear, hour glass, straight,
voluptuous, stringy etc. I assumed that
my "category" or label would be fixed and stagnant. While I suppose I have always had the good
fortune of being slender, I never thought I could have a pear-shape or hour
glass figure, not at least without purchasing plastic parts.
As a pre-teen I found myself the perpetrator of jealousy and envy when the girls around me started blossoming into their curves, while I on the other hand managed to stay slim, get even taller, and somehow have stretch marks despite my lack of "lady lumps". I can honestly say that my relationship with my body was not healthy as a teenager and young adult. I assumed that "skinny" was all I really had and even more dangerously assumed that the only way I could possibly love myself more was if I was a smaller version, which led to bad eating habits and even worse issues of self worth (something about "loving yourself" goes out the window when you start thinking the only way you can be "good" is if there is less of you).
As a pre-teen I found myself the perpetrator of jealousy and envy when the girls around me started blossoming into their curves, while I on the other hand managed to stay slim, get even taller, and somehow have stretch marks despite my lack of "lady lumps". I can honestly say that my relationship with my body was not healthy as a teenager and young adult. I assumed that "skinny" was all I really had and even more dangerously assumed that the only way I could possibly love myself more was if I was a smaller version, which led to bad eating habits and even worse issues of self worth (something about "loving yourself" goes out the window when you start thinking the only way you can be "good" is if there is less of you).
Fortunately, teaching yoga has taught me two spectacular
things. First and foremost, every shape
is perfect and 40 years from now if you're still alive and kicking you'll look
back to however you are today and wonder where the "perfect" body you
once had went (don’t believe me, ask your Grandma). When people are new to my classes they
probably don't realize that I choose to be in a sports bra most of the time,
not because I really care about how I look, but because one of my first
teachers in a hot vinyasa class came in every day with her bountiful curves in
nothing but a sports bra and yoga pants.
The first time I saw her body my young, very well trained, judgmental mind started to do what I did daily to my own body- analyze it, pick it apart, judge, critique... but then something happened. Maybe it was all the "hippy talk" of yoga that made me stop looking at Her as a "body" and start recognizing that she was completely stunning, imperfections and all because she was a perfectly-imperfect human being. Her stretch marks made mine a trait, not deserving of shame, but deserving of recognition. Her slight skin bulging from the top of her pants made it okay that I had a little bit of love handles left over from never actually giving my self a chance to be muscular.
So now when I'm teaching, aside form the visual pros of being able to demo bandha locks, I choose to teach my 100 degree class in a sports bra. EVEN if I am feeling like total tubby, and trust me there are plenty of days I do, I will throw on a crop top and get out the door because I'm not confident to show off my temporary human condition of having a body, I'm confident with myself to help the other young (and maybe old) women around me feel comfortable with who they are. To teach them it’s Okay to be comfortable and happy in your own skin.
The first time I saw her body my young, very well trained, judgmental mind started to do what I did daily to my own body- analyze it, pick it apart, judge, critique... but then something happened. Maybe it was all the "hippy talk" of yoga that made me stop looking at Her as a "body" and start recognizing that she was completely stunning, imperfections and all because she was a perfectly-imperfect human being. Her stretch marks made mine a trait, not deserving of shame, but deserving of recognition. Her slight skin bulging from the top of her pants made it okay that I had a little bit of love handles left over from never actually giving my self a chance to be muscular.
So now when I'm teaching, aside form the visual pros of being able to demo bandha locks, I choose to teach my 100 degree class in a sports bra. EVEN if I am feeling like total tubby, and trust me there are plenty of days I do, I will throw on a crop top and get out the door because I'm not confident to show off my temporary human condition of having a body, I'm confident with myself to help the other young (and maybe old) women around me feel comfortable with who they are. To teach them it’s Okay to be comfortable and happy in your own skin.
the second thing I learned that was just as exciting as the
first thing: WOMEN ARE NOT FRUIT THAT NEED TO BE CATEGORIZED. We are effing goddesses who control our own
divine destiny and if you really want to be pear shaped there ARE enough squats
and clean foods out there to help that booty "blossom". If you're like me, a skinny girl (once even
referred to as a "skinny-fat girl" because I wasn't curvy but I was
still soft lol) YOU CAN GET CURVES!
So here's my tip for you ANYONE who wants more of a “hour glass
shape”-HEART OPENERS, HEART OPENERS, HEART OPENERS. This version of a backbend is great for heart
opening and also allows you to grow through your solar plexus chakra (the place
where we keep our self confidence) improving your overall posture. Side effects: smaller waist, longer-lengthier
side bodies which can sometimes eliminate that bulging over we experience in
yoga pants, especially Canadian yoga pants made by a man who needs to stop
subliminally mind-humping us with Rand Indoctrination, and OVERALL a more open,
confident approach to your yoga practice and your life.
as for EVERYONE, I pray you allow yourself to be confident. If not for YOU to begin with, for others, for
the people who look up to you, the brighter you allow your light to shine the
more of an invitation you give to the people around you to shine as well. So own your own skin, freaking revel in it,
because you are PERFECT whether you are skin-and-bones or a
little-round-dumpling. This “human
condition” of having a body is temporary, the side effects of recognizing our
SOUL has eternal worth, and the worth of the souls around us, that shit is
divine. Move towards the light xo Namaste
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